Friday, September 21, 2007
EQUINOX
Today is a special day. First, it is the Autumnal Equinox, which means that the earth is poised equally between light and dark, day and night, before we slip further into the growing darkness and hibernation of the fall. So, it represents a brief moment of balance which only occurs twice a year, a space between the inhale and the exhale.
Second, it is my birthday. I'm 37 today. A good solid number. And a prime number to boot. I've always liked prime numbers - numbers which are only divisible by themselves and 1 - they seem so full of themselves, tributes to individual identity. After the first batch of essential divisors (1, 2, 3, 5, 7), we have 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, and now 37. To me, prime numbers carry a certain amount of potency, a little magic even, and a great deal of mystery.
So, in tribute to the number and the day, I'd like to offer (in no particular order) a list of some things that I'm grateful for:
1) Living this long. By average estimates, my life is half over (or half begun). And yet, I have already lived longer than many people in many places can expect to. I'm grateful to the universe for continuing to give me the resources I have needed to sustain my life.
2) My mother. For being a stay-at-home mom. Something I definitely didn't appreciate enough in the feminist haze of my adolescent and post-adolescent years. But she gave me a lot of time and attention, more than I may be able to muster for my own kids. And it mattered.
3) My father. For many reasons, but especially today for his regular $100 birthday check. It's nice to have a few things you can count on in life. A birthday splurge at the bookstore is a joy I enjoy today courtesy of dad.
4) Swimming. Nothing feels better than the feeling of my body moving through water.
5) Trees. As long as I live, if I have a window to look out with a bit of sky and a tree to see, I'll be okay.
6) The Ocean and the Sky. Whenever I've been sad, depressed, or confused in my life, I find that half an hour gazing at either of these constantly changing marvels sets me right. Tom Robbins says "Spend 1/2 hour every day reading poetry, being in your body, writing with a hard-on (girls too), and looking at the sky." As apt a recipe for a good life as any I've encountered.
7) Chocolate. Especially Lindt milk-chocolate truffles.
8) Fluevog Shoes. A San Francisco treat.
9) Books. Of every stripe, but lately especially memoirs.
10) Money. And that I have enough of it not only to meet my basic needs, but to buy things I love like chocolate and shoes and books.
11) My Health. Specifically the abilities to walk; see; hear; eat, digest and shit without pain; sleep soundly; and grow and carry two babies in my body without undue hardship.
12) Music. There is so much to be grateful for in this category: jazz, new flamenco, the female diva crooners like Annie Lennox and kd lang, taiko drumming, Tchiakovsky, organ music, and my all-time favorite instrumental on the harp guitar "Because It's There" by Michael Hedges.
13) Being born American. This an unexpected and fairly recent gratitude. Despite all that is wrong with our country and all that we have to be embarrassed and ashamed about, as a woman and a citizen, I have more rights, privileges and freedoms being an American than I would as a citizen of most other countries. I have the ability to speak, dress, and work in any way I choose. Something not to be taken for granted.
14) David. I remember being 20 years old and thinking that I would live the rest of my life alone (probably with a bunch of cats), because I couldn't imagine meeting anyone who I could stand to share my life with or who I imagined would want to be with me for that long. We've been together for nearly 15 years, and while there is lots that we struggle with and plenty to still learn about each other, he has been for me and with me through so much. When my mother called at 6am 4 years ago to tell me that my sister had been in a life-threatening accident, I was only able to gasp. David, in his sleep, heard that giant intake of breath and immediately knew something was terribly wrong. He came charging out of the bedroom and threw his arms around me and held me tight, never asking what was wrong, just holding me, containing me, while I cracked and fell apart.
15) My Friends. All the many varied friends I have collected over the years. Especially the ones who keep reaching out to me and pulling me close even when I'm busy and distracted.
...to be continued.
Gratitude for the gift of life is the primary
wellspring of all religions, the hallmark
of the mystic, the source of all true art...
It is a privilege to be alive in this time
when we can choose to take part in the
self-healing of our world.- Joanna Macy
Today is a special day. First, it is the Autumnal Equinox, which means that the earth is poised equally between light and dark, day and night, before we slip further into the growing darkness and hibernation of the fall. So, it represents a brief moment of balance which only occurs twice a year, a space between the inhale and the exhale.
Second, it is my birthday. I'm 37 today. A good solid number. And a prime number to boot. I've always liked prime numbers - numbers which are only divisible by themselves and 1 - they seem so full of themselves, tributes to individual identity. After the first batch of essential divisors (1, 2, 3, 5, 7), we have 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, and now 37. To me, prime numbers carry a certain amount of potency, a little magic even, and a great deal of mystery.
So, in tribute to the number and the day, I'd like to offer (in no particular order) a list of some things that I'm grateful for:
1) Living this long. By average estimates, my life is half over (or half begun). And yet, I have already lived longer than many people in many places can expect to. I'm grateful to the universe for continuing to give me the resources I have needed to sustain my life.
2) My mother. For being a stay-at-home mom. Something I definitely didn't appreciate enough in the feminist haze of my adolescent and post-adolescent years. But she gave me a lot of time and attention, more than I may be able to muster for my own kids. And it mattered.
3) My father. For many reasons, but especially today for his regular $100 birthday check. It's nice to have a few things you can count on in life. A birthday splurge at the bookstore is a joy I enjoy today courtesy of dad.
4) Swimming. Nothing feels better than the feeling of my body moving through water.
5) Trees. As long as I live, if I have a window to look out with a bit of sky and a tree to see, I'll be okay.
6) The Ocean and the Sky. Whenever I've been sad, depressed, or confused in my life, I find that half an hour gazing at either of these constantly changing marvels sets me right. Tom Robbins says "Spend 1/2 hour every day reading poetry, being in your body, writing with a hard-on (girls too), and looking at the sky." As apt a recipe for a good life as any I've encountered.
7) Chocolate. Especially Lindt milk-chocolate truffles.
8) Fluevog Shoes. A San Francisco treat.
9) Books. Of every stripe, but lately especially memoirs.
10) Money. And that I have enough of it not only to meet my basic needs, but to buy things I love like chocolate and shoes and books.
11) My Health. Specifically the abilities to walk; see; hear; eat, digest and shit without pain; sleep soundly; and grow and carry two babies in my body without undue hardship.
12) Music. There is so much to be grateful for in this category: jazz, new flamenco, the female diva crooners like Annie Lennox and kd lang, taiko drumming, Tchiakovsky, organ music, and my all-time favorite instrumental on the harp guitar "Because It's There" by Michael Hedges.
13) Being born American. This an unexpected and fairly recent gratitude. Despite all that is wrong with our country and all that we have to be embarrassed and ashamed about, as a woman and a citizen, I have more rights, privileges and freedoms being an American than I would as a citizen of most other countries. I have the ability to speak, dress, and work in any way I choose. Something not to be taken for granted.
14) David. I remember being 20 years old and thinking that I would live the rest of my life alone (probably with a bunch of cats), because I couldn't imagine meeting anyone who I could stand to share my life with or who I imagined would want to be with me for that long. We've been together for nearly 15 years, and while there is lots that we struggle with and plenty to still learn about each other, he has been for me and with me through so much. When my mother called at 6am 4 years ago to tell me that my sister had been in a life-threatening accident, I was only able to gasp. David, in his sleep, heard that giant intake of breath and immediately knew something was terribly wrong. He came charging out of the bedroom and threw his arms around me and held me tight, never asking what was wrong, just holding me, containing me, while I cracked and fell apart.
15) My Friends. All the many varied friends I have collected over the years. Especially the ones who keep reaching out to me and pulling me close even when I'm busy and distracted.
...to be continued.
Labels: My Favorite Things, Rebirth
