Minkgirl Muses

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

RESURRECTION

It has been 7 weeks since I last posted - a spiritual number - the length of time it has taken for me to fully absorb that I am where I am - San Francisco. I have loved and been loved by this City, but it's different this time. I feel like the woman in the made-for-tv movie who gets one last chance to live as she always knew she should. Note: this is different than the way I want to live. I want to stroll through my own mental corridors, thinking, reading and day-dreaming without interruption. I want to spend all day poking around on the internet, following interesting trails and satiating my curiosity about unnecessary topics. I want to exercise everyday, shower everyday, take my vitamins everyday, drink plenty of water everyday, and keep my house clean. None of these desires feature regularly in my new life. But still, gratitude persists. Despite six-and-a-quarter hours of sleep every night. Despite the constant presence of sand on the hard-wood floor. Despite the rush-hour bus commute home. Despite poorly styled hair and unkempt toe-nails. Despite the 137 unanswered messages in my email in-box. Gratitude is my bread and butter these days. Because look around you? Nearly everyone is suffering in some small or large way. How have I missed this for so long? Everyone has: a mother undergoing hernia surgery, an aunt who narrowly escaped a ruptured brain aneurism, a son who punched a girl at school, a husband with suspicious lumps in his side, a colleague who’s afraid she's made an irretrievable mistake, a friend who thinks he might not love his partner anymore. There’s no if, only when. When will the strange angels knock on your door? And how will you receive them. Admit them. Admit them. They may bring sorrowful tidings, but they also bring the light.